Why do you find it so impossible when life is beating you against a wall?
Why does it haunt you.
Why does doubt grip you so firmly?
WHY CAN'T I LET GO?
Hi guys.
This time my post is even more personal than it usually is.... stick with me....
My biggest struggle right now is one, simple, little 5 letter word.
Everything is railing against me doing this seemingly common action:
Trust.
Trust is something so easily broken. It only takes one lie, one slip, one miscommunication, one sentence, one belief, one thing forgotten, one....DOUBT.
So what is trust?
Trust
noun
1.
reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of aperson or thing; confidence.
2.
confident expectation of something; hope.
3.
a person or thing on which one relies.
4. the condition of one to whom something has been entrusted.
For me? Trust is like belief. When I trust someone to look out for me. That they have my best interest in mind. That they love WHO I am.....not WHAT I am. They're someone who can tell me anything....they'll tell me not just what I WANT to hear....but also what I NEED to hear.
A little known fact about me. I didn't TRUST God when I was saved. I knew he existed. I accepted that. I asked him to live in my heart. And He did. But it wasn't until recently that he taught me what it was like to TRUST Him.
It wasn't an easy event that brought me around to trusting Him....but even more recently it's become so much harder to give up my weak attempts and ridiculous doubts. And allow Him full control, full trust of my life.
He's PERFECT. He doesn't make mistakes. Every single second of my day God knew. He PLANNED it. It's all working to His glory and my benefit...But I doubt.
We get stuck in our own defenses, our doubts, our guilt, our failures, our bitterness. That if we're gonna do something, from now on, we're gonna do it ourselves. So that way it gets done RIGHT.
Ha. Guys it's like pretending you know what the whole painted masterpiece will look like, what it is, every dimension, when all you can see is one shade of the background color.
He CREATED YOU. He honestly knows just exactly how much you can handle. His love for you stretches beyond your comprehension....you're playing in a puddle when God wants to take you to the ocean....
I'm in my senior year of high-school, and with that, so many decisions need to be made. Graduation itself, school planning to finish it in time, what I'm doing afterwards, friends, acquaintances, driving, ideas, talents, time management. Along with my Dad switching jobs and making offers on multiple houses and trying to sell our own. So I keep catching myself tugging back on the little pieces I've give over to God. I slam up against a wall and start trying to climb it instead of allowing the Creator of the universe to provide a way through it.
If you've found yourself doing this too, no matter where you are in life, let me just encourage you.
Guys, He's EARNED your trust. He DIED for you. DO NOT let those doubts consume you. You are NOT ALONE.
When you trust Him with every fiber of who you are....He can make you light up the skies, you'll shine like a star in this dark generation. You start to embody His beauty to our doubting society.
Every day you trust in frail things. The chair to hold you, your house to be there when you get back, your car to keep running (or to die continually....) You expect consistency. Pattern. Regularity. But you won't trust the one immovable, immutable, unchanging God. Who's proven himself over and over to you, personally.
Even when He feels furthest from you.....He's still there. His hand is still under you....even when you fall to your knees. He will keep bringing you back to Him. Every time.
It's like someone just walked up to you with a map for your life with every single detail planned out for the absolute best...AND gave you the person who could read the map.
Oh, and by the way? That map reader Loves you more than life itself. Literally. He's proved it.
Chin up. He's FOR you. It's gonna be okay.
Those doubts will never shut up. You're always going to have them. They'll constantly be whispering lies to you. And chances are, you'll feel like they're completely true:
You ARE hopeless. You really can't do anything right. NO one loves you. You'll NEVER be what they want....so why try? You're so ugly. You don't fit in. You have no talents. Heck, you don't even LIKE yourself....so how could anyone else?
Truth is. What you're focused on....will be your truth. What you believe in...will become your God. When you're focused on YOU. You'll be what you're relying on...But when you take that focus off of yourself and put it on God. You can't help but trust Him as He reveals more and more of himself to you.
So I'm gonna dare you. Do what I did. Most likely you're going through a trial right now. God's refining you and making you even more like himself. So go. Take your journal or a random piece of paper and write down multiple things that you honestly see no way out of. Short term/long term big/little whatever....Date it. Take that page and bring it before God in earnest. Leave it in His hands. Cease being anxious and DO it. DO it. Trust. You might just be amazed how amazing, how beautiful, how PERFECTLY He works it out.
Redeemed,
Pj
